thirty

pounds to go until i reach 115 for my wedding in march.

yes, i stepped on the scale today. and shouldn't have. i should've waited the extra week to go through a week of my six-month work-out plan. or maybe this was exactly what i needed? a kick in the ass to point me in the right direction?

hmm.

i'm shooting for 1-2 lbs/week. preferably 2. and i'll be there within 4 months. which gives me four more months of maintaining/losing a bit more if i feel the need. it'll give me a bmi of 20, but i'm thinking i'll be more comfortable with a bmi of 17-18. (97.5-103 lbs).

so far today, i've had an est. 500 calories and took a 20 min walk. not really planning on eating again until tomorrow. (:

how are you all doing? (:

smoke

tomorrow, the plan is to fast. i'll do my zumba at 1, maybe take a walk later in the evening. i'm not sure about the last part yet, because it has been deathly hot for the past two weeks. 100+, with the humidity making it about 5 degrees hotter than the thermometer says.
i do not want to melt, thank you though.
anyway, just a quick update.

how are you all doing?

air

i have not stepped on a scale in about three months.
how crazy is that?
i'm deathly afraid of what it will say. and when i say deathly,
i mean literally deathly afraid of the scale.

i hid my scale under my bed.
i couldn't even look at it anymore.
this was two months ago,
after it sat in my bathroom silently mocking me for one month.
thirty days.
seven hundred twenty hours.
forty three thousand two hundred minutes.
two million five hundred ninety-two thousand seconds.


i want to take it out. i want to weigh myself.
but i am afraid.
i know that if i weigh more than i want, i can simply exercise, diet, etc.
after all, a battle lost doesn't mean i can't win the war, does it?
but i'm still afraid.

so i set a date for myself--july 1.
i have to weigh myself.
i need to know.


my zumba dvds arrived. i tried the beginner dvd today. holy crap. it is harder than it looks. or i have no rhythm whatsoever. one or the other. tomorrow my six-month plan tells me to walk for 20 mins. lovely.
day after tomorrow, zumba again. this time, instead of halfassedly attempting to follow the dvd, i will watch how to do it, pause, do it until i get it right, continue.
july 1 goal weight--135. that's my 'usual' weight. and one i will not go above again.

xoxo, bre

plans

i just ordered a zumba dvd, and have pulled together a 6-month workout program. i have set a 900 calorie limit for the first month, stepping down 50 cals a month until i'm at 650 calories.

if i don't lose the weight this time, there is no hope left for me.

promise

i'm promising myself that no matter what, i'm not giving up this time.

not. this. time.

apology

i'm sorry.

i'm so, so sorry.

i've failed myself. i've failed everything.

i'm sorry.