lighter than. . . .: May 2011

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

floating

ah, emptiness,
how i've missed you so.
promise me you'll stay a while
and finally make me b e a u t i f u l~

Sunday, May 15, 2011

scream

it'll make you feel better.

and then get off your ass,
shake it off,
and move on from there.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

this morning is off to an excellent start.... so far, one cigarette and one cup of coffee + diet pill and multivitamin for breakfast. hopefully tomorrow i'm going to be able to go grocery shopping. i'm planning on loading up on fruits and veggies (grapefruits, strawberries, pineapple, grapes, salad mix, baby carrots), low-calorie/sodium soups and bottled water. my plan is to stick at 500 calories or under, and with all the fruits and veggies, that will be super-easy to do. i'm planning on having fruits/veggies during the day and then one soup for supper. (:
hopefully this time i can pull myself from my bad habits and finally emerge victorious. (:

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

fast

i cannot focus anymore.

it's time to kickstart this shit.

i will fast tomorrow and the next day. and i will exercise. i'm in the process of making spreadsheets, and i'm going to fight this out. i will come out victorious this time.

people i mention in this blog

b - she's my best friend. we've had several falling-outs, but somehow we always wind up best friends again. she's the crazy one--the one who inspires me to do things a quiet, kind of shy girl like me would never think to do. sometimes i love her for it, sometimes i want to kill her for it, but she's always my best friend. (:

j - he's another one of my best friends. last year, after several months of friendship, we started going out... it didn't end so well, and we wound up not speaking to each other from mid-january until the end of september. however, since we've reconnected, he's quickly become one of my best friends on earth. <3

s - she's one of my other friends... she used to be my best friend, but we've kind of grown apart in recent months. she's always been my voice of reason--the one who tries to /keep/ me from doing insane shit. i love her for the advice she can give, but she tries to keep me in my little quiet-girl shell sometimes. this is why she's 'friend' and b is 'best friend'.

p - the guy i've known nearly as long as i can remember. we've been best friends since i was 12 years old. we tried to date recently, and he crushed my heart... but i still try to be his friend, because he's one of my motivational speakers. (:

c - my ex-fiancé. not much to say here except i thought i loved him, and so completely blinded myself to everything else in life. he was slowly becoming emotionally and verbally abusive, and things nearly turned physically abusive one night, when he pinned my arm down on the kitchen counter, waved a butcher knife in my face and threatened to cut my arm off. he alienated me from all my friends and from my family, and yet i didn't see the light until i finally broke up with him in early september. when he was out of my life, it was like i had woken up for the first time--it was beautiful, in a way. and no, i don't miss him. there's more details i could go into on this one, but i'll save that for a 'memories' blog post someday. (: