lighter than. . . .: apology

i'm sorry.

i'm so, so sorry.

i've failed myself. i've failed everything.

i'm sorry.

people i mention in this blog

b - she's my best friend. we've had several falling-outs, but somehow we always wind up best friends again. she's the crazy one--the one who inspires me to do things a quiet, kind of shy girl like me would never think to do. sometimes i love her for it, sometimes i want to kill her for it, but she's always my best friend. (:

j - he's another one of my best friends. last year, after several months of friendship, we started going out... it didn't end so well, and we wound up not speaking to each other from mid-january until the end of september. however, since we've reconnected, he's quickly become one of my best friends on earth. <3

s - she's one of my other friends... she used to be my best friend, but we've kind of grown apart in recent months. she's always been my voice of reason--the one who tries to /keep/ me from doing insane shit. i love her for the advice she can give, but she tries to keep me in my little quiet-girl shell sometimes. this is why she's 'friend' and b is 'best friend'.

p - the guy i've known nearly as long as i can remember. we've been best friends since i was 12 years old. we tried to date recently, and he crushed my heart... but i still try to be his friend, because he's one of my motivational speakers. (:

c - my ex-fiancé. not much to say here except i thought i loved him, and so completely blinded myself to everything else in life. he was slowly becoming emotionally and verbally abusive, and things nearly turned physically abusive one night, when he pinned my arm down on the kitchen counter, waved a butcher knife in my face and threatened to cut my arm off. he alienated me from all my friends and from my family, and yet i didn't see the light until i finally broke up with him in early september. when he was out of my life, it was like i had woken up for the first time--it was beautiful, in a way. and no, i don't miss him. there's more details i could go into on this one, but i'll save that for a 'memories' blog post someday. (:

lighter than. . . .

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

apology

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